Women Friendships

Dear Sophie, I have a question from a woman to woman.  Do you think it is important to have female friendships?   

Absolutely!  Women and men are different and need to have companionship with their own gender.  Women sometimes need to speak more than men, and women understand this, which is why women friends are so important!  I find myself often saying to my female clients, “your daily word quota is bigger than his.”  While there is some humor in that, there is also some truth to it.  Your female friends can give you a deposit that maybe others in your life are not able to give, like feeling compassion, feeling understood and heard.  Typically females will lend an ear and can truly sit with you, in the details, and help you iron it all out.  There may be times in the friendship when you fill most of the air space, and then there will be times when you are there just to listen. 

In communication, we have two different approaches and needs.  Sometimes people need to monologue and just have someone listen.  If they are in this mood, that can take up to about 30 minutes, but then they will be empty and ready for feedback.  Then there is dialogue, which is much more of a give and take type of exchange that can go on for hours.  Tuning into this communication approach can be helpful in your friendships, and if you see a friend in a monologue mood, just let them go.  On the other hand, be aware that a monologue should not dominate the friendship, as this doesn’t bode well for long term balance.  Being a great friend is so important to having healthy and balanced friendships.  So tune in with yourself and become aware of your friendship patterns.